Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
