Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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