The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
