Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
