I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
