i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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