There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize