I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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