he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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