who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
