Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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