Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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