Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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