Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
