We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
