woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
