the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
