my mouth tastes like poor choices
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
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I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize