She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
