I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
