Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
