Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
