I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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