hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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