Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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