my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
