I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
