I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
FUCK WHALES
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
