the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
