had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
