I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We have so much sex to catch up on
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
