Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I fill condoms, not promises.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
