WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
