was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
