Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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