Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
