My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
