by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
