i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
