Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
