I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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