I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
