we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
