Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
