I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
