i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
