I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize