i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Randomize
