I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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