I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
