To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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