Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
