Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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