So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
