Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have fence marks all over my body
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
