I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
