now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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