Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's official drugs can't kill me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
