end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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