I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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