I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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