Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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