Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize