I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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