God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
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I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
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i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I love you.
Bad choice
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