If that was your dad, he is hot
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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