Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
